sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it's like iHOP with fire
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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