We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
