I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
