i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
