I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
