Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
