CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
