My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
