You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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