actually, I'm a sock model
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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