I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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