p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
