the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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