The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
