Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i don't like sucking hair
Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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