well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
