So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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