I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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