somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
