just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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