She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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