taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
