Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize