I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
