You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
