If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
