Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
