Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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