YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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