Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
