u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
