I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
