Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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