so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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