I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
