I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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