Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize