I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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