Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
