what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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