Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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