would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize