When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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