I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My ass is underappreciated
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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