So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
