Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I stole a fireplace last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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