Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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