I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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