She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
