i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
