Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
