The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
