When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
