u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize