oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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