Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
