Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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