honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
