If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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