I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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