I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
