Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Floor bacon is actually really good
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
