oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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