dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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