i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
