I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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