bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
