you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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