either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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