You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
