My cat gives me a boner
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
