I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
