Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
