this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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