remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
