I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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