remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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