i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
