I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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