Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
