I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
