i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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