Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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