Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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