just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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