Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
