Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize