if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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