You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
