she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
