omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
