i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
