Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize