dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
