You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
