What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
