SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
