Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
