Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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