What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
