He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
