Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
