i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
