what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
