I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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