don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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