i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
