i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
