So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
